Are you a HELICOPTER parent?

Are you a helicopter parent?

By: Crysta Pleatman

Helicopter parents feel the need to be involved in every single aspect of their kids lives. Is this new trend helping or hurting our kids?

You might be a helicopter parent if:

Do you put your kids shoes on when you know they can do it themselves?

Do you stay at drop off birthday parties to make sure your child doesn’t choke on cake?

Do you volunteer at their school every day?

Do you complain to their teachers if they get a bad grade?

Do you sit with them when they are doing homework?

Do you forbid candy in your home?

These are all examples of a disturbing new trend in parenting that may result in kids that slowly rebel against their parents constant hovering. They may withdraw from family and potentially begin to close the doors of communication all together in order to gain independence and a sense of self. This “tuning out” is exactly what the helicopter parent fears the most. Parents who hover mean well. They want the best for their children and they don’t want to see them get hurt physically or mentally. Therin lies the problem. There are some things in life that can only be learned through experience. For instance if your child falls off the  monkey bars on the play ground its going to hurt, but you can bet that they will go slower next time, or hold on tighter.  But if you forbid them from climbing on the bars you are prohibiting them from learning about falling and it may make them feel incapable of making good choices without a parents help.

Homework Helicopters

 I have friends who sit with their kids for hours every night helping them with homework. How is this helpful? Are their kids learning how to study independently? If kids get a bad grade they will study harder. If we as parents try to control life for our kids we are doing them a great disservice. I am available to help my kids if they have a question but I never sit with them and guide them through it. It’s only rewarding to them if they do their work and stay organized on their own. And besides, homework is their job and they need to learn good  work habits now, not after they enter the workforce. Independence fosters a sense of accomplishment. If homework is not done, there will be a consequence at school. However, in my house homework time starts after school, even if they say they don’t have homework. I simply tell them that they can use that time to study, read, or organize their folders.

Clothing  Copters

Another good example occurred in my house last week. It was very cold outside, yet my 1^st grader refused to wear her winter coat. She wanted to wear her fleece sweatshirt to school and she was adamant that she would be warm enough, so off she went on the bus in her sweatshirt. Later in the day I got a call from school. It was her teacher who wanted to let me know that my daughter was not allowed to go outside for recess because she did not have a warm coat on. She went on to explain school coat policies blah blah blah! So I explained the situation, my theory being that she needed to feel the cold in order to choose a warmer coat next time. I went on to remind her teacher that being cold does not make kids sick, germs make kids sick. So my daughter was allowed to play outside in the cold.  I did not discuss it with her after school because I was confident that she needed to “save face” instead of hearing“ I told you so”.   The next morning she put on her winter coat and got on the bus. Lesson learned no hovering required.

So if you are worried that you might be a closet helicopter parent, back off now. Childhood is all about learning how to be a responsible grown up. Let your kids fall down and make some mistakes, let them feel sadness and happiness as a result of their own choices. The best parents are always there to listen and guide, not to hover and control.